Monday, February 21, 2005

Juiced - An Ad for Steroids

From Slate:

"'Steroids, used correctly, will not only make you stronger and sexier, they will also make you healthier,' Canseco crows. 'Certain steroids, used in proper combinations, can cure certain diseases. Steroids will give you a better quality of life and also drastically slow down the aging process.' Then he helpfully adds, 'I'm forty years old, but I look much younger.'"
...
For Canseco, even steroids' most gruesome side effects have a silver lining. For example: "[O]ne definite side effect of steroid use is the atrophying of your testicles." Uh-oh. "But here's the point I want to emphasize: what happens to your testes has nothing to do with any shrinking of the penis. That's a misconception." Well, I suppose that's slightly less revolting. "As a matter of fact, the reverse can be true. Using growth hormone can make your penis bigger, and make you more easily aroused. So to the guys out there who are worried about their manhood, all I can say is: Growth hormone worked for me."


Whoa. When I was in college, my roommates and I were drinking away a Friday afternoon and indulging in some after-school special designed to deter kids from steroids. The main character gets 'roid rage, beats up his girlfriend, steals money from his mother...all the usual cliches (think Jimmy using them before the Special Olympics on South Park)

Anyhow...at the end of this thing, the first thing my one roommate says, "Did you see how big that dude got?" Within minutes, we all wanted to get on the juice. Heck, at 5'6", I thought I might be able to reactivate a growth spurt at 19!

I'm telling you, no matter how hard you try, it's tough to make steroids look like a loser. Even Jason Giambi - there's this subtle undercurrent of thought that maybe he just went too far. He got "too big", "too fast". You can't help but think, maybe if he'd had more control, he'd be fine.

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